The idea of self-compassion tends to evoke a range of responses from athletes, but it rarely comes up in conversations about getting results. After all, we’ve all heard the old adages, “no pain, no gain” and “no grit, no glory.” But maybe adversity and self-compassion aren’t as mutually exclusive as we might think. Insert the third of the seven elements of the acronym MINDSET: Nonviolent.
The term “nonviolence” is often associated with Mahatma Gandhi and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who employed nonviolent resistance as a form of civil disobedience to achieve political and social change. According to Gandhi, nonviolence is a way of life based on truth and respect for all living things. When it comes to adopting a nonviolent mindset as an athlete, we are intentionally cultivating a mindful state that allows us to leverage the power of meaningful connection with our inner being. When we embrace a nonviolent mindset we are especially attentive to core needs and values, especially as related to the “why” I discussed in the last blog. This gives us access to an abundance of internal resources, motivation, and power that support optimal performance.
Quiet as it’s kept, a lot of us have adopted pretty “violent” habits in how we treat ourselves. We say things to ourselves that we wouldn’t dare say to anybody else, even people we don’t like! We hold ourselves to unrealistic expectations without mercy and the list goes on. While these habits may yield temporary benefits, they usually come with some pretty nasty unintended side effects. For example, a tyrant of an inner critic. Nonviolence doesn’t mean the absence of accountability or adversity. It means holding ourselves accountable in ways that align with our core needs and values. Refer back to Ghandi and MLK. They faced incredible adversity that required them to push well beyond ordinary physical limits to achieve their goals. It’s safe to say they experienced a great deal of suffering and made tremendous sacrifices for a greater purpose. If only we could harness a fraction of that kind of power to leverage toward our own goals.
A great place to begin practicing nonviolence is with your own “self-talk.” Self-talk is the way we talk to ourselves in our heads. It’s an internal dialogue that can be “positive” or “negative” and affects how we feel about ourselves and our abilities. “Positive” self-talk can help us feel more confident, motivated, and productive, while “negative” self-talk can lead to feelings of low self-esteem and insecurity. It’s important to be aware of our self-talk and make an effort to recognize and replace any negative thoughts with positive ones. Research suggests that up to 70-80% of our internal dialogue is self-talk. It’s estimated that we have around 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day, and about 80% of those thoughts tend to be negative. However, it’s important to note that our negative self-talk is not always bad, and can in fact be extremely helpful when it comes to managing our emotions and helping us reach our goals. Sometimes that “negative” voice is the only one holding us accountable. Some studies suggest that up to 40% of people do not experience internal dialogue. If that’s you, and you’re reading this blog wondering what the heck this internal chatter I keep going on about is, don’t worry. There are plenty of other ways to practice self-compassion.
3 practical ways to be nonviolent with yourself:
- Reframe negative self-talk: Instead of allowing yourself to get caught up in negative thoughts, reframe them into something more positive and constructive (something factually true that supports your current goal is ideal).
- Practice self-awareness: Take time to observe your thoughts, feelings, and behavior in any given situation. Do your best to be genuinely curious about what you are observing. Take thoughts for example. Imagine the thoughts floating by like clouds in the sky. Have you ever gotten attached to a passing cloud. Mindful curiosity will help you to understand the underlying causes of your experience better and develop better strategies for coping.
- Be proactive and intentional about meeting your core needs. Many people are unaware of their core needs. Consider basic things like the need to give and receive love, respect, appreciation, understanding, connection, safety, and joy. When these basic needs are met, we feel fulfilled. When they are not met, we feel frustrated and unfulfilled. Your training likely meets some key needs. Figure out what they are and consciously appreciate this aspect of your training.
A nonviolent mindset can be a powerful tool for athletes to improve their performance by tapping into the authentic self. Regularly practicing self-compassion can help you recognize your strengths and weaknesses, as well as your successes and failures. It can encourage you to focus on your goals and stay motivated in the face of adversity. You can also develop a more constructive openness to feedback and criticism that can inspire improvement, rather than behaviors that reinforce negative/limiting patterns. Additionally, a nonviolent mindset can help you stay grounded, have a healthier attitude towards competition and failure, and stay focused on the process of improving your performance rather than the outcome. Ultimately, a nonviolent athlete is a more resilient athlete!
